Saturday, November 26, 2005

David Hasselhoff not pictured, thank god

Onwards with our international countdowns, and in the days when MTV's leftfield teletext service would list all the continent's top tens Germany was always the most entertaining, so let's see if they've kept it up...

20 Anastacia - Pieces Of A Dream
The eighth biggest selling albums artist in Britain this century, which can only be achieved by SAS levels of stealth. Nobody even noticed when she stopped wearing glasses.

19 Juanes - La Camisa Negra
Colombian singer-songwriter, very much a Shakira-meets-James Blunt, who is set to be the lead entertainment at the World Cup draw. A former number one, the title translates as The Black Shirt, which has lead to some worrying about precisely why this has taken off in this country of Mussolini. Looks like Justin Currie out of Del Amitri.

18 Depeche Mode - Precious
There's a case for saying they're the biggest fanbase led band in Britain, as radio doesn't seem interested any more yet their first single from each album is guaranteed a high position.

17 Sean Paul - We Be Burnin'
Music to shake ass to.

16 Kelly Clarkson - Behind These Hazel Eyes
Not as many 'brown eyes' jokes as expected after this came out.

15 Christina Sturmer - Mama (Ana Ahabak)
Pinched, shorter haired Lisa Scott-Lee-alike who was a runner-up in Austria's Starmania 2003. More Clarkson than Lemar, it seems.

14 Mattafix - Big City Life
Still not popular in Britain, though.

13 Tokio Hotel - Durch den Monsun
Four teenagers with their debut single, and we know you can't judge every act on what they look like, but we already hate them on the evidence of...

12 Banaroo - Coming Home For Christmas
It's the new Alcazar! Albeit going for it a little early if you ask us.

11 Fettes Brot - An Tagen Wie Diesen
Here's a name from our teletext-based past - Mr President must be recording - a Hamburg hip-hop outfit, as worrying a concept as that sounds.

10 Shakira - Don't Bother
And the reviews write themselves.

9 Robbie Williams - Trippin'
Nobody seems to have noticed that Gary Barlow opened today's reformation press conference with a switch on his opening words for the band's last press conference, "unfortunately the rumours are true..." Wonder if they'll do Smells Like Teen Spirit again.

8 Tatu - All About Us
They're lesbians, I heard.

7 US5 - Just Because Of You
This is Lou Pearlman's new TV-created charges, following in the footsteps of LFO (one hit) and O-Town (two hits - come on, Liquid Dreams?) Like the Backstreet Boys and N'SYNC Pearlman appears to be launching them on the continent first; unlike the Backstreet Boys and N'SYNC they've not started sueing him yet.

6 Pussycat Dolls - Don't Cha
Nicole, Ashley, Kim, Meryl, Maureen and Lemony, or something, are soon to launch their own clothing range. Ann Summers are already planning the design copyright injunction.

5 James Blunt - You're Beautiful
Guaranteed never to sound the same after Jeremy Hardy had a go at it in Pick Up Song on Monday's I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue.

4 Sugababes - Push The Button
Always remember one of these people can bear to spend large amounts of time with Dave Berry.

3 Melanie C - First Day Of My Life
Blimey. This one doesn't even appear to have been released in Britain, which perhaps says a lot about what she thinks of her chances. Maybe she's laying low so nobody can throw quotes back at her round about the Spice reunion tour.

2 Xavier Naidoo - Dieser Weg
Manheim's soul boy veteran, the other name we always recall, even if just for that double o at the end.

1 Madonna - Hung Up
Tch. Have some variety.


Matt said...

The country of Mussolini?

Simon said...

I did put that, didn't I. Obviously the blackshirts were Benito's thing and I wanted to equate fascist leader with fascist leader, but something clearly got lost somewhere. My mind, as a rule.

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