Singles File: w/c 1/5/05

Tony Christie's still at number one, and the fact so many people are going "how much longer do we have to have this for?" proves that we really do have short attention spans. It took until week nine at least in Bryan Adams' day for anyone to start really moaning, and that wasn't even for charity.

Snoop Dogg seemed decent odds to dethrone him, but just having Timberlake on your record (and someone called Uncle Charlie Wilson - anyone?) and a more expansive production is hardly enough, so that's at 2, one ahead of the final Elvis re-release, A Little Less Conversation. What has this series of releases actually achieveed? If it's reinstating the good work of Presley it's just ended up boring people and exposing the paucity of the singles chart, downloads or no, which for a label like RCA/BMG is hardly helpful. In the record books it'll be regarded as a cynical ploy and it's given the likes of Pete Waterman in today's Observer the chance to say "ah, this proves all songwriters are shit, ha ha ha!" when all it's really proved is the fanaticism of Elvis fans. Hope they store their commemorative gift boxes safely and rush out on Tuesday for Elvis By The Presleys, a compilation of Priscilla and Lisa-Marie's favourite Elvis songs. Thus the money keeps rolling in.

Will Smith's still hanging around the top 5 with his inconsequential Switch, keeping a particularly dull Destiny's Child track out. We doubt they've really noticed. The Tears enter at 9, a position a new Suede single would have got nowhere near despite sounding exactly like one. You don't get the feeling this was always meant to be, more that this is a flag of convenience for label-less, bandless, far too proud Butler and sitting on a solo album without much interest Anderson. They seem to be doing interviews apart already. Don't call the album Here Come The Tears!

Bloc Party's Banquet, which sounds far more like a breakthrough single than So Here We Are, enters strongly at 13, the pop kids Reef that is Rooster at 14 and Athlete at 17, but then Snow Patrol singles didn't chart highly after Run either. Gorillaz fall back a place at 22 - surely if all the limited edition 7"s have now sold out this is no longer chart eligible?. There's more proof that South London is bigger than all of us as the Paddingtons enter at 25. Lindsay Lohan, whom I believe to be an actress in youth films, m'lud, extends her brand only as far as 27, which proves this was a waste of time in a country that cares little for her. Her two US singles form the A-side and B-side of this single, which suggests the label know this as well. Robert Plant enters the top 40 for the first time since 1993 at 32 and Black Rock get their single line Guinness Book entry at 36. Quite a few records hang around due to downloads, which while defeating the purpose of the hype about how these being included would help the rock kids' favourites get better positions - they haven't - does at least mean Thee Unstrung enter at 41. Ha ha ha ha ha.