Single File: w/c 29/5/05

If we just ignore it it'll go away.

So let's start at number two, where Coldplay reside for the second time, although whether it's more embarrassing now than it was when they debuted behind Darius is questionable. You have to feel that's nearly that for their chances of a chart topping single - assuming there's nothing else on X&Y as anthemic, they'll be doing well if they're in this pre-eminent position come the single before the next album. Seriously, whatever you think of Chris Martin and his startled eyes, it isn't actually funny if you think about what it means for us all, is it? Something even more surprising at 4, which is that Amerie's One Thing, a record so perky and gold plated in summer hitness that even the British weather changed for it at the sales-crucial end of the week, still failed to outsell not just the big two but also Akon. (Actually, here's something for our small number of commenters that's come from elsewhere - we know why guitar bands' sales tend to spike on Mondays, so how come R&B and rap records tend to sell more later in the week, irrespective of Saturday TV promotion?)

Gwen Stefani picking up the marching band baton from Destiny's Child gets her to 8 and Audio Bullys' hijacking of Nancy Sinatra's Bang Bang is at 9 - come on, bootleggers, mix it with BA Robertson's Bang Bang, we dare you. The Magic Numbers' own post-Thrills take on East Coast harmonies is picking up speed well, first proper single Forever Lost making number 15, the sort of success you don't actually see of hyped debut singles that often. Pointless goth point-missers My Chemical Romance are at 20. For god knows what reason, especially as the OST's been out for a couple of weeks, a bit of the Star Wars theme - John Williams, LSO, you know the drill - enters at 25, one ahead of Arcade Fire, which itself is 25 places short of where it will end up in my singles of the year list. The video seems to have been taken offline, but if you've not seen it do track it down as it's a work of magnificence to complement the song.

Nine Black Alps are at 31, British Sea Power failed to tempt the Chelsea Flower Show denizens to send their latest single any further than 34 and Sons And Daughters make a surprise entry at 40, but the real hilarity comes around these - Brian McFadden, whose idea of a clean break from Westlife is a load of string-laden ballads, at 28 is excellent enough, but even that's rivalled by The Bravery at 43, the sort of place bands with their self-made profile just don't enter, and sandpaper faced Daniel Bedingfield at 41. If the Jamster HQ is burnt down tomorrow we have a suspect.