While others toil on our behalf, let us relax and flick across to see what's happening in another country's singles top 20. This week: if Swedish electropop, indie and production is all the rage these days, surely their charts must reflect this? Surely?
20 Depeche Mode - Martyr
Bugger all of the UK press noticed - well, Madonna hadn't won anything and that was far more worthy of attention - but Depeche Mode actually won Best Group at the recent MTV Europe Music Awards. Perhaps nobody outside their core fanbase, which surely must exist but you rarely meet one, was aware they'd actually released anything and thus qualified for nomination.
19 Beyonce - Irreplaceable
While we wait for something of interest to happen, let's mention that at 21 is Weird Al Yankovic's White And Nerdy, which is on the playlists of all the Sky phone-in video jukebox channels when surely their key demographics can't have heard of him. At 31 meanwhile is Dolly's Song by Holly Dolly, and we're really not trying to imagine what that is.
18 Melody Club - Destiny Calling
A very Swedish band name and very much/exactly like the Killers of the Scandipop scene. The singer looks like Noel Fielding will in a few years.
17 Darin - Perfect
Darin Zanyar, rather than some sort of Bobby Darin homage, runner-up in Swedish Idol 2004 here seemingly trying to recreate Girls Aloud's Wake Me Up as played on longwave radio around his best Timberlakeisms.
16 Roxette - One Wish
It's no Joyride.
15 Cascada - Everytime We Touch
Still getting these and Cassie mixed up around here, although certainly the i-D cover might help for future reference as that clearly isn't the new Sash! on there.
14 Bob Sinclar & Cutee B - Rock This Party
Odd the progression of the Bob Sinclar style, from Daft Punk's mate to novelty sampler to faux-playboy to soul house revivalist to house makeweight. Such is dance music.
13 Basshunter - Vi Sitter I Ventrilo Och Spelar Dota
Eurodance about the voice option on Warcraft III. We mean, why would you?
12 Sandi Thom - I Wish I Was A Punk Rocker...
Oh yeah, because this is the alternative.
11 Justin Timberlake - Sexyback
10 Pink - U + Ur Hand
Bringing sexy very much forward.
9 Linda Sundblad - Oh Father
The solo debut of the former singer in Lambretta. What is this, 1979? Is there a band in Norrkoping called Merton Parka? No idea what this sounds like, but we'll bow to common musical knowledge and say no song called Oh Father can be listenable.
8 United DJ's vs Pandora - Trust Me
Again, no direct evidence, but we think we can guess.
7 Christina Aguilera - Hurt
6 Westlife - The Rose
5 Akon feat. Eminem - Smack That
4 U2 & Green Day - The Saints Are Coming
It's like we've never been away.
3 Scissor Sisters - I Don't Feel Like Dancin'
This seems to still be top three in every single continental country and may well take over from Ode To Joy as the official EU theme by this time next year.
2 Justin Timberlake - My Love
Working with Duran Duran on their new album, which'll test his recently found sense of prestige.
1 Martin Stenmarck - 7Milakliv
"do you know what "7milakliv" means? i could not find it in dictionaries." No, YouTube commenter, you tend not to find words that start with numbers in even the most in-depth volumes of OEDs. His biography claims he has "enormous audiences in both Brazil and People's Republic of China" but then it also claims he played the Royal Albert Hall and won over the whole of Britain in 2000. He sounds like the Goo Goo Dolls.