It's a long time since we've done one of our nearly popular idle looks at a current international singles top 20, so let's do one. This time around, dull old Belgium.
20 Juanes - La Camisa Negra
This was the single behind the attempt to relaunch the Latin Heartthrob sub-genre, stymied by the continued blind eye turning of the British public to foreign language records.
19 The Kooks - Naive
Oh god, they're going international.
18 Tiesto feat. Maxi Jazz - Dance4Life
On Rough Trade, apparently, so they're spending their chunk of the advances for all the anniversary tie-in books already. Trance.
17 Belle Perez - Ave Maria
More latino pop, this time home grown, if you can imagine such a thing. Apparently presents a music show in Holland. No, Thornton, no!
16 Groove Cats - Once In A Lifetime Groove
It's alright, it doesn't sample Talking Heads. In fact it samples a lesser known New Edition single
15 Sergio Mendes feat. Black Eyed Peas - Mas Que Nada
14 Christina Aguilera - Ain't No Other Man
"Have you heard this new music called jazz?"
13 Willy Sommers - Laat De Zon In Je Hart
Presumably never going to be launched in Britain. He seems to be some sort of crooner in any case, so it's a moot point.
12 Pirates Of The Caribbean - He's A Pirate (Tiesto remix)
Our hopes that this might go "he's a pirate! He's a pirate! He's a piiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirate!" in a Gilbert & Sullivan style overlaying trance beats may not be entirely fruitful.
11 Shakira - Hips Don't Lie
10 Gnarls Barkley - Crazy
9 Beyonce - Deja Vu
8 Kaye Styles & Johnny Logan - Don't Cry/I Love To Party
You may want to sit down for this. Styles is a Belgian R&B singer. Logan won Eurovision thrice for Ireland. Don't Cry is a duet. I Love To Party is a new version of What's Another Year. Good lord.
7 Pussycat Dolls - Buttons
6 K3 - Ya Ya Yippee
Dutch girl trio with a song that sounds made for people to mime to in bedrooms and stick onto YouTube
5 Kate Ryan - Alive
Seemingly a sort of Belgian Lucie Silvas, albeit one that made her name by covering mad French superstar Mylene Farmer, Ryan was Belgium's Eurovision entry this year - Belgium is enormous on Eurovision entrants - but got knocked out in the semis.
4 Rihanna - Unfaithful
3 Bob Sinclar - Rock This Party
How come his videos always get playlisted by the requisite channels about three months ahead of release?
2 Marco Borsato - Rood
Another Dutchman hopping across the border, this might be the most toothgrindingly overproduced thing you've ever heard. It's Eurodance and power balladry in one go, but with a Celtic jig in the middle!
1 Henke - Lief Klein Konijntje
And what's holding it off the top? A sexagenarian with an acoustic guitar. Europe, there.