Saturday, May 06, 2006

Low Country's low numbers

Back into the world's singles charts as we alight on what the good folk of Holland have been listening to. Is it all still mindless house?

20 The Opposites - Slaap
Something Europeans do very well is forceful male rapping over a light groove, except not a lot of those appear to be duetting with a child. This must be Will Smith territory.

19 Bo & Monica - Gonna Be A Star
A song about being a star. This must be that self-aware Europop Alcazar fans are always going on about.

18 The Source feat. Candi Staton - You Got The Love
Even they must have had this several times before the latest go round.

17 Sugababes - Red Dress
Fated never to be reviewed again without the piece ending on a rhetorical query as to when they're going to have a big fight again. Maybe eventually they'll become a kind of Britgirl Menudo.

16 Corinne Bailey Rae - Put Your Records On
And so the expansion plan begins. A couple of years ago she'd have been lumped in with th nu-jazz fraternity, we bet.

15 Rihanna - SOS
'Features sample from TAINTED LOVE' says a sticker on the single, just in case Rihanna thought it might have sold on its own rhythmic qualities.

14 Andrea Bocelli & Marco Borsato - Because We Believe
The Russell Watson of Holland, except with more years on the clock and less of an air of preening self-importance, joins the perennial Des O'Connor favourite.

13 James Blunt - Wisemen
Would be the most unwelcome in equal measure export here were it not for The Feeling at 26.

12 Sean Paul - Temperature
Desperately searching for more 'featuring' credits to back his faltering career path up a bit.

11 Pink - Stupid Girls
As we've said before, she can write it as ironically as she likes but the cover is a spoof of a Paris Hilton advert we've never seen in Britain and thus is just Pink In A Bikini to all of us.

10 Gnarls Barkley - Crazy
The new Hey Ya, or something. Again, as with the days when a project produced by Dan The Automator and featuring contributions from Damon Albarn and one of Cibo Matto sold a million, we must wonder why this has been allowed to happen while being very glad that it has.

9 Meck featuring Leo Sayer - Thunder In My Heart Again
"Father?" Do they even know who Leo Sayer is/was in Holland?

8 Skin - Just Let The Sun
Skunk Anansie Skin rather than hard rock Skin, Ms Dyer having always been far more popular on the continent solo. Co-writer: Paul Draper formerly of Mansun! So that's where he is!

7 Pussycat Dolls - Beep
It must be a pisser to the other girls that the only one anywhere near FHM's latest list (and by the way, who the sod is Keeley Hazell?) is Nicole, the one brought in as the singing counterpoint.

6 Simon Webbe - No Worries
Curious sleeper success of album still unaccounted for, unless someone was selling it for a few pence somewhere.

5 Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dani California
Note in the video the section where they're dressed as the Misfits. Again with the cross-cultural overhead-clearing!

4 Mary J Blige & U2 - One
Amount of point of this: less than one.

3 Juanes - La Camisra Negra
Didn't achieve the international crossover its label had hoped for here, ignoring the golden tenet of British record buyers - unless it's an end of summer holiday hit, it can get outta here if it's not in English.

2 Raffaela - Right Here Right Now
Not the Europop bikini-friendly video'd Jesus Jones cover you might have hoped for but the Dutch Idol winner sounding like 1993 Mariah Carey.

1 Shakira - Hips Don't Lie
They don't tend to tell the truth much either, but clearly this is being overlooked for internal political manoevurings of some stripe. Featuring Wyclef Jean, which has killed any idea this might be up to her occasional nuts standards straight off.

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