Classical ARIAs

Back to our occasional looks at singles charts from across the world, and in the week that the album by Zane Lowe's side project Breaks Co-Op comes out to a few meaningful glances and not much else, which is probably how he'd have wanted it if not Parlophone - the band were recently given a government funded grant as part of a New Zealand culture drive to aid their relocation to the UK, which given one of the three has worked here for eight years and another is actually British hardly makes it Arts Council material - we decided to have a look at what's selling down Wellington way. But it was a bit dull, so we shifted west instead and analysed the Australian top 20:

20 Eminem - When I'm Gone
He really has dropped off the music landscape very recently, hasn't he, just as was suggested? He'll be back, D12 have to eat somehow.

19 Nickelback - Far Away
Yes, there are still places where their success hasn't now been written off as a post-Limp Bizkit gut reaction to snap up anything that moved in a hard rock style.

18 Santana - Just Feel Better
Speaking of which, Carlos has gone back into semi-ignoration here since Supernatural, much like Rob Thomas in fact, but he'll still squealingly blues soloing away out there.

17 Notorious BIG - Nasty Girl
Surely before long there'll be a Biggie single that features nothing of Biggie himself?

16 Bow Wow - Like You
Again, since he stopped being so lil' he seems to have disappeared from the British radar. Even so, we think we can guess what this is like.

15 Daddy Yankee - Gasolina
Reggaeton - that disappeared quickly, didn't it?

14 Rihanna - If It's Lovin' That You Want
Her new single has New Crazy In Love potential, although surely Marc Almond is already fending off telephone query after telephone query with "I dunno, maybe they asked Gloria Jones' publishers..."

13 Kate Alexa - All I Hear
The daughter of Mushroom Records' founder, kind of a solo The Like, who rose to fame through singing on a trailer for Home And Away. One of her promotional photos features her in a parka, which given she looks like a prospective daughter of Carol Thatcher is probably wise.

12 Kate DeAraugo - Faded
Last year's Australian Idol winner, her second single peaking at number 8 after a McManus style.

11 Rogue Traders - Watching You
Izzy from Neighbours' band! Well, Natalie Bassingthwaighte's band to be exact, but let's not split hairs, especially when their other gimmick is re-recording (with credit) old new wave riffs, here My Sharona, as the basis of new songs, which makes them perfect All Around The World Records signings in waiting. And they're named after the Ewan McGregor Is Nick Leeson flop too. The role of Izzy is now apparently being played by a mutant crossbreed of Alison Goldfrapp and Avril Lavigne:



10 James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover
Apparently Guy Chambers is credited with 'guitar feedback' on one track on Back To Bedlam. Good to see hose years at the London Guildhall School of Music didn't go to waste.

9 Ashlee Simpson - L.O.V.E.
Ashlee Simpson records seem to us to be like terrorist scares - you're aware through osmosis that they should be happening, sometimes information leaks out, but when they do happen you barely notice.

8 Madonna - Sorry
We've just realised we've never heard this. We don't intend to start now.

7 Black Eyed Peas - Pump It
We've heard this, though, on many occasions over the last ten years. They might as well have made a dance track out of it.

6 Chris Brown - Run It
Keeping an eye on the caller display in case Usher finds his number.

5 Westlife - You Raise Me Up
It's Mother's Day across the world! Given we all know how pop longevity works, how come nobody predicts they're ever splitting up?

4 Pink - Stupid Girls
Of course, a still of the Paris car wash advert spoof bit from the video - a takeoff of an advert nobody in Britain has seen, of course - is on the cover of the single for irony reasons. And nothing more. Yes.

3 Bob Sinclar - Love Generation
Is he still running with the 70s international playboy style theme?

2 Youth Group - Forever Young
Ah, now we're getting somewhere. We think they had a single out in the UK last year after ex-Vine Patrick Matthews joined, but this was on the OC and is a cover of one of Alphaville's singles after Big in Japan. Presumably they've had the big push after that, as we see no Death Cab For Cutie here.

1 TV Rock - Flaunt It
Sounds like a Dutch music show, is a dance duo who look like they're auditioning to take over Brandon Block's position as most cliched man in international dance DJing. Pete Tong's a fan, apparently. Be scared.