For some reason the Arts Council, or at least its Take It Away musical learning initiative, is holding a Most Musical City in England poll. Each city has a celebrity sponsor - of course it does - and the winner gains a sense of meta-smugness, probably.
So those ten nominees? Birmingham, Brighton, Bristol, Liverpool, London, Manchester, Newcastle, Sheffield - all fair enough, if we're going down this route. Leicester? There's an image problem inherent here just in how speaking up for the city is Engelbert Humperdinck and the blurb also has to mention Showaddywaddy before running out of steam. Also, we're invited to believe Enge writes copy such as "Kasabian - with their swaggering style, hazy indie-rock sound and dazzling live performances". Believe us, we're from there. Er, here.
The tenth place nominated? One of what we're invited to believe are the ten greatest popular musical heritages in the land?
Dave Rowntree's our man, and that's pretty much its load blown at the outset. He throws in Twink of the Pink Fairies and Pretty Things and then Jay Kay, born in Trafford, Greater Manchester, briefly educated in both Colchester and Rutland, mostly based in Buckinghamshire. Our suggestion is, if you're reading this: go to the site, find out how the hell you put in a vote, put your name down for Colchester and let's completely upend its meaningfulness together.