Scooch on the rocks

Thank goodness the Liberal Democrats have nothing else to worry about at the moment. Peter Bottomley signed it!

The real problem with this year's Eurovision Song Contest was really a reversal of our received opinion about how the event is going - we all know the UK is one of the few that thinks it's all a bit of a lark, but it's one of the few that thinks voting is a serious business. We don't understand block voting in Western Europe because we don't experience the same sort of entente cordiale with our neighbouring countries, which before the great EBU influx we only ever saw when Terry piped up about Greece and Cyprus every year. The bottom three were France, UK and Ireland, all Western but also the latter was all out trad and the other two were probably the most all-out camp (only in the sense that product managers understand it, of course, ie nothing like what it actually is) of the competitors. As Sweden's Aftonbladet put it, maybe they should send modern pop songs instead of lowest common denominising. When did we start taking the UK entry so seriously, anyway? Nobody remembers Lindsay Dracass in 2001, or that Jessica Garlick came third a year later.

And for the record Croatia, Macedonia and Montenegro did give Serbia twelve points, but so did Austria, Finland, Hungary, Slovenia and Switzerland, and indeed a poll solely of western voters came up with almost exactly the same top five. The UK gave them nothing, but we gave the instantly forgettable according to every live commentary we've seen Turks top marks. Of second placed Ukraine's five twelves only one came from another breakaway Russian republic. Friendly neighbours, by the way? Serbia haven't exactly been on constant cordial terms with all of theirs since Yugoslavia splintered, while Estonia gave Russia twelve points at the end of several weeks' high velocity sabre rattling.

So what does it mean for Serbian music? It doesn't matter - we've hardly been overwhelmed by thoughts on the state of the Finnish scene in the last twelve months, and this is at a time when Scandinavian pop is on the up.

One other thing.

IT'S THE SODDING EUROVISION SONG CONTEST! IT DOESN'T MATTER IN THE GREAT SCHEME OF THINGS!